MONDAY MUSINGS SEASON 2 - EPISODE 246
Grief is a friend or enemy.
29th January 2024
I am covering few more life lessons from #ValmikiRamayan as a mark of obeisance to Lord Ram and his teachings to humankind.
#AyodhyaKand is full of leadership lessons, and I covered many of them in the earlier episodes of #MondayMusings. Here is one sloka not covered, so far.
Grief is our biggest enemy
शोको नाशयते धैर्यम् शोको नाशयते श्रुतम् |
शोको नाशयते सर्वम् न अस्ति शोक समः रिपुः || Valmiki Ramayan 2-62-15
Translation - Grief ruins courage. Grief ruins sacred learning, grief ruins all. There is no enemy like grief.
The very next sloka says
शक्यम् आपतितः सोढुम् प्रहरः रिपु हस्ततः |
सोढुम् आपतितः शोकः सुसूक्ष्मः अपि न शक्यते || Valmiki Ramayan 2-62-16
Translation - A hitting that descended from the hands of an enemy is possible to be tolerated. But the grief suddenly descended, even if so small, is not possible to be tolerated.
Grief can neither be avoided nor ignored.
We all know that grief is unavoidable in our life. As long as there is love, grief so too remains. Can you then ignore grief? We can neither avoid nor ignore grief. Then what is the use of this message from #Valmiki?
You cannot avoid, ignore, or suppress grief but you can manage grief. How?
Is grief my best friend, or worst enemy?
Grief need not be an. Instead, at an individual and collective level, we can embrace it and ask how we can allow ourselves to feel grief and grow from it rather than be overwhelmed by it.
Grief can be your worst enemy when you try to resist it or allow it to completely take over your life and let it become your new identity. Grief can be your best friend as well if you’re leveraging your grief to catapult you towards doing something brave.
Actress Priyanka Chopra’s father, Dr Ashok Chopra, who was a physician in the Indian Army, died on June 10, 2013, after a long battle with cancer when the actress was set to start filming of 2014 film Mary Kom. She said that she used work as her therapy to cope with the grief from the death of her father.
We blame grief for our mistakes, our oversights. But the reality is that grief is not the enemy. The real opponent is the pressure we place on ourselves, or perhaps the pressure society forces upon us, in managing grief.
#GriefCycle
In 1969, #ElisabethKübler-Ross described five common stages of grief, popularly referred to as DABDA which are Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We may experience some, none or all of these “stages”; they may cycle back and forth and vary in intensity.
How to manage grief effectively?
1. Acknowledgement is the first step
We must acknowledge that there is a huge empty space in our world which feels out of our control. We must realize that there is no control over the outcome, the past, the future, and often our own thoughts and emotions. We can’t magically delete these thoughts and feelings. Acknowledging this will help us pay attention to what we CAN control, do, say, and focus our energy and attention on. This will help us make space for our grief.
2. We can’t do it alone
When we’re grieving, we might want to hide or withdraw from loved ones. We might feel like a burden and not want to talk about our pain. We might get irritated by how others treat us. We might feel like we need to get through it alone. While these responses are completely natural, disconnection only magnifies the problem. We’re social creatures. Reaching out for support, care and compassion is crucial.
Sometimes others aggravate grief unknowingly with the best of intentions. it’s important to set boundaries and say ‘no” when you need to take time to recharge.
Grief management will continue in the next episode:
GOOD NEWS COLUMN
#TheGirlWithABrokenNeck
#RadhikaGupta, the managing director and CEO of #EdelweissAssetManagement Limited, oversees assets worth over Rs 1.2 lakh crore. Notably, she is the sole female CEO among asset management companies in India. But what sets her apart is how she became the CEO. Radhika, born in Pakistan, grew up on four continents because her father was an Indian diplomat. Complications during her birth resulted in a noticeable tilt of her neck. Radhika faced judgment for her appearance — in her own words, “chubby, wore ugly braces and had big glasses.” These did not deter her from her studies.
She earned a scholarship for a competitive dual degree programme at the University of Pennsylvania, where she studied computer science engineering, economics, and management and technology. She graduated with the highest honours, Summa cum laude.
When job placements came around, ‘consulting jobs’ were the coveted positions that many in her circle aimed for. Despite internships at Microsoft and working at a college senior’s hedge fund, Radhika discovered her perfect fit in asset management. Despite her excellent academic record, she encountered her first rejection, or rather a series of rejections, during the placement process. Seven consulting firms rejected her.
After the seventh company said ‘no’, Radhika sat in her dormitory room on the 19th floor and contemplated ending her life by jumping. Her friend, who was in the same room, immediately called for help and Radhika was promptly assisted by the university.
Thereon, she picked herself up and went for her eighth interview with McKinsey & Company. And like any good story tells us, she got in! After working on Wall Street for four years, Radhika decided to come to India and start an alternative asset management firm in 2009 with her husband.
She left a comfortable salary and life in the US to become an entrepreneur, which meant rough times and learning the ropes. She says that she didn’t draw a salary for the first few months as the going was tough.
Slowly, she learnt how to attract customers, deal with the regulatory requirements, and took the business to Rs 2 crore in the first year, and Rs 200 crore by the time it was sold to Edelweiss, four years later.
After the company was acquired by Edelweiss, Radhika started working for Edelweiss Multi-Strategy Funds. After she led the integration of JP Morgan into Edelweiss AMC in 2016, she thought that she deserved a promotion — that she deserved to be CEO. So she went and asked for it.
Radhika urges women to go ask for that big promotion and new opportunities because no one else can ask that for you. “Sometimes I don’t get what I ask for, but it’s important to just ask,” says the CEO.
“The world conspires to make you succeed if you want it hard enough. You can’t connect the dots but the dots start connecting. Each one of us is unique and different. Celebrate your perfections and imperfections and everything in between,” Radhika remarks.
Courtesy – www.thebetterindia.com
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Conceived, compiled and posted by Jaganathan T (www.authorjaganathan.com) as a weekly newsletter MONDAY MUSINGS in LinkedIn