#Listening - first communication skill

22nd July 2024

Hanuman first met Lord Ram & Lakshman in a very strange context. He was not sure of the identities of Ram & Lakshman. He was asked by Sugriv to meet them in a disguise and find out more about the two strangers.

Thus, Hanuman met them as an ascetic and engaged them in a conversation with the hope to make them reveal their identity. Hanuman is an expert communicator as eulogized by Poet Kambar as சொல்லின் செல்வன் (expert in words). But Ram and Lakshman are smarter than Hanuman. They used the most important communication skill to thwart Hanuman’s attempts ie Listening.

Lord Ram and Lakshman kept silent and actively listened to Hanuman for eighteen long slokas and then started giving assessment of Hanuman’s communication skills. That interesting assessment becomes the management lesson for us on communication skills. That assessment aka lesson was possible only because Ram actively listened to whatever Hanuman spoke without interrupting even once during the speech. LISTENING is the first of the communication skills lesson given by Lord Ram,

1.    #LISTENING

There is big difference between ‘speaking’ and ‘communicating’ and on the same lines ‘hearing’ and ‘listening’. Good speaker need not be a good communicator. Communicating is much more than speaking.

To become a good communicator, you need to be a good listener first. No one likes to communicate with a person who cares only about what they have to say.

Without active listening skills, you won’t be able to receive and interpret the message being communicated. As a result, the communication process will break down, and the speaker can quickly become irritated.

Many confuse between LISTENING and HEARING.  They are not the same. Listening is not just hearing but also actively processing and understanding the information being conveyed by the speaker. Effective listening can help build strong relationships, increase trust, and prevent misunderstandings. The process of Listening is complete only when the message is heard, understood, assimilated and retained for necessary follow-up action. Valmiki Ramayan covers the entire process in another sloka and I will take that up later.

Effective communication is an absolute cornerstone in the professional realm, and active listening serves as its bedrock. By showcasing your expertise in active listening, you underscore your dedication to fostering transparent, cooperative, and influential communication and present yourself as an invaluable asset to any team or organization.

The problem is that all of us think ourselves as great listeners. How to find out if you are a good Listener?  Answer these questions honestly and you can easily identify the flaws and perfect your ‘Listening’ skills.

• Do you often interrupt others when they’re talking?
• Do you often talk when others are talking?
• Do you often shut down the communicator without giving sufficient opportunity to express themselves?
• Do you make biased opinions about the communicator before listening to the communication?
• Are you always afraid of asking the communicator to repeat clearly when you are not able to understand the communication instead of making assumptions? It is better to ask for clarification or paraphrase the understanding for confirmation from the communicator.
• Do you allow your feeling towards the speaker come between your listening ability.

You are not a good communicator if the answer is YES to one or more of the above questions.

Tamil poet $Thiruvalluvar kept one chapter with ten couplets exclusively for ‘Listening’ skills. But this couplet number 645 illustrates the power of LISTENING and the importance of Listening to become a good communicator.

வேட்பத்தாஞ் சொல்லிப் பிறர்சொல் பயன்கோடல் மாட்சியின் மாசற்றார் கோள். Thirukkural 645

Explanation - One should speak in such a way as to make others desire to hear more and grasp the meaning and takes benefit of what others speak.

One should be a good speaker as well as a good listener and should take benefit of what others speak to become a good communicator.

Having listened patiently to Hanuman, now it is time for Lord Ram to talk from the 25th sloka of the third saragam. Lord Ram gives his assessment of Hanuman to Lakshman starting from the 25th sloka and this one sloka appearing as part of his assessment of Hanuman is a gem. 31st sloka in 3rd saraga of kiskinda kand includes six essential attributes of communication skills apart from Listening.

अविस्तरम् असंदिग्धम् अविलम्बितम् अव्यथम् | उरःस्थम् कण्ठगम् वाक्यम् वर्तते मध्यमे स्वरम् || Valmiki Ramayan 4.-3-31

What are these six attributes? Will see in the next episode.

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#PositiveNewsPage

This week’s positive news is about a book which reflects the thought process of this episode’s main theme ie effective communication.

“As the world has become more technocratic and as politics have got more polarised, we’ve stopped practicing communicating across divides. It’s dangerous. And it also doesn’t make us feel good. Because our brains have evolved to give us pleasure and when we don’t connect it feels lonely.” Says Charles Duhigg, author of the book #Supercommunicators’. The book is a part-theoretical overview of all things conversant and part instruction manual for the connectively challenged.

Listen more. Speak less. Try and understand where your interlocutor is coming from. And be as honest and clear as possible about who you are and what you feel.   Of course, there are some of the tips and tricks to smooth the way.   Another helpful hint for all situations -  Don’t assume you know what kind of conversation you’re having. Miscommunication occurs when people are talking at cross-conversational purposes.   In conclusion, if you find yourself misunderstood or never getting through, don’t give up. “Anyone can be a supercommunicator,” Duhigg insists. Just get up to speed on the basics. Practice lots.

Read more at https://www.positive.news/society/what-can-we-learn-from-supercommunicators/

Read the book if you want to become a Super Communicator. Alternatively you can read the next few episodes of MONDAY MUSINGS actively.

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Conceived, compiled and posted as a motivational newsletter every Monday by Jaganathan T (www.authorjaganathan.com), Subscribe #MondayMusings and read Monday Musings every Monday

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