How to handle separation?

24th June 2024

Having completed the most valuable sarga ie 2-100 in Ayodhya kand let us move forward to Aranya Kand. Aranya kand is full of grief and the next interesting and valuable lesson comes in the very first sarga of KishkindaKand and that lesson comes as Lakshman’s advice to Lord Ram on how to handle separation from loved ones.

How to handle grief and depression from the loss of loved ones?

It is a tough challenge for almost everyone to endure the death of loved ones, rejection by the partner of choice like divorce, love failure, etc. It requires enormous mental strength and loads of maturity to handle such situations.

I pray the Almighty that such unfortunate things do not happen to anyone but we must realize that death is unavoidable, and we must learn to accept fate and move on when the fate pushes us to face unpleasant things. I get pained to hear news of people taking extreme steps like suicide, depression not able to cope up with the ‘loss of love’. News last week of a bureaucrat ending his life not able to bear the death of his wife prompted me to take up this sloka as a lesson.

Lord Ram also went through such an unfortunate challenge. The love and bonhomie between Ram and Sita need no elaboration. Sita did not hesitate even for a minute to accompany Ram to the forest sacrificing palatial pleasures. Ram remained a devoted husband to Sita throughout his life. Ram was initially shocked and depressed losing his beloved wife to evil Ravan. But he built the courage and maturity to survive, not just survive, and took all necessary efforts to regain his wife.

How did he get that maturity to understand the meaning of life. He did not live in perennially grieving and does that mean he did not love his wife. That is the concept of this episode and I shall start the story from the place where evil Ravan kidnaapped Sita from the hermitage using deception.

Kishkinda Kand starts with gloom. Entire first saraga of Kishkinda Kand is filled with Ram’s grief on the banks of Pampa Lake (Not the Pampa River in Kerala) appreciating the natural beauty of Pampa Lake and its surroundings and grieving on the fate of having to endure, and not enjoy, the beauty without the company of beloved Sita.115 slokas goes by in grief.

Wet wick drenched in oil

Lakshman thought it is time to remind Ram about the realities of life and makes a very interesting and meaningful observation and that comes as 116th sloka in the first saraga of Kishkinda kand.

स्मृत्वा वियोगजम् दुःखम् त्यज स्नेहम् प्रिये जने | अति स्नेह परिष्वन्गात् वर्तिः अर्द्रा अपि दह्यते || Valmiki Ramayan 4-1-116

Translation – Separation from loved one causes extreme grief. Even a wet wick gets burnt (when drenched in excessive oil). Remembrance of their love and cherished moments will give the strength to carry on. Give up grief.

Key words to note in this sloka are

अतिस्नेहपरिष्वङ्गात् drenched in extreme love, आर्द्रा wet, वर्तिरपि cotton wick also, दह्यते burns.

I read two different interpretations for the above sloka. The key to the right interpretation lies is in the beautiful simile used by the Poet Valmiki. “Wet wick burns’ and when suffixed with the word api, it means ‘even a wet wick burns’ and leads us to the correct interpretation. When would a wet wick burn? A wet wick burns, of course with some difficulties, when drenched in oil. Excessive oil here dampens the anti-inflammable properties of wet wick. A wet wick does not burn by itself but burns when fed with constant source of oil based on the scientific phenomenon known as capillary rise.

Similarly, it is natural for a living person to grieve for the loss of a loved one. But what is the use of excessive grief. A wick has to burn and illuminate the place whether it is wet or dry. Similarly, all the individuals have come to this world with a purpose and it does not serve any purpose losing the track in between on account of grief.

But Lord Ram himself understood that it is easy to preach but difficult to remain focused during difficult times. One needs a catalyst to carry them through the separation and that trick is ‘recollecting their love and fond memories of their time together’. Grief must be temporary and must be abandoned quickly. Love must replace grief.

Occasional difficulties like ‘getting damp’ need to be faced but the focus on purpose will give the strength for continued burning. After all, burning is the purpose of a wick and a wick burns to give light to everyone around by sacrificing itself in that process. What a beautiful simile?

It is common knowledge that life is temporary and the most apt reminder to this is the death we see in our lifetime.

#WeepButNotCry

Islam has an interesting mention on grief for the loss of loved ones. Anyone that has gone through the pain of losing someone understands the sorrow that follows. Although grieving is allowed in Islam, it is important that Allah has set limits on how one should react. Prophet Muhammed explains it in the following hadith:

Weep, but avoid the crying of the Devil. Whatever comes from eye and heart is from Allah and is a sign of mercy, and whatever comes from hand and tongue is from the Devil. [Ibn Hanbal, Ahmad, 1995) Hadith 2127]

The loss of a loved one is of course a sad event, but do not dwell on only the loss itself, but how it has happened. The soul will be returning to Allah and preparing for questioning of the grave. Allah the All-Knowing has taken this soul for a reason and one of them is surely to remind those affected by this loss of their eventual return.

Almost similar thoughts.

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#PositiveNewsPage

It is sports fever everywhere with Euro-2024 and T20 WC-2024 happening simultaneously. Incidentally both T20 WC and Euro-2024 exhibited exactly similar positive traits. If it is Rishabh Pant for his resilience and consistent efforts to recover and score match winning performances after a devastating road accident 18 months ago, it is Christian Eriksen who showed the same trait in Euro-2024 by scoring a goal and sealing the award for UEFA Man of the Match and this week’s Positive News Page coverage, 1100 days after a life-threatening heart attack. The sports fraternity wrote-off both Rishabh Pant and Christian Eriksen if they would ever play a competitive tournament again after the unfortunate incident they encountered.

It was unbelievable from that Eruo-2024 match that Christian Eriksen, three years ago, was floating between life and death. For good reason, the Dane was awarded UEFA Player of the Match for scoring the solitary goal for his team in their opening 1-1 draw against Slovania..

June 12, 2021, and the nine months of absence due to intense treatment and surgery seemed far away. That day, the midfielder collapsed in a Euro 2021 encounter against Finland in Copenhagen.

Teammates formed a protective circle around him, many were crying, while the medical staff's efforts to save his life after a heart attack led to a happy ending.

Over nine months of therapy followed while the footballer had to live with an implanted defibrillator, allowing him to return to professional football after the treatment.

A fight back to what he loved most, football, took him to a new life.

So, 1,100 days after the fatal incident, Eriksen faced Slovenia with challenging games against the Three Lions and Serbia following for the Scandinavians.

He takes every minute as a gift in his "second life," said Denmarks’s coach

"You learn what counts in life. Life is sometimes telling you this story. It was a very special goal for me, despite it not taking us to three points," Eriksen added.

Eriksen spoke about his faith in his team and his regained skills. "I have played many games since then, but to return to a Euro tournament makes things very special. Club games are important and daily routine, but a major like this is unique."

The 1-1 draw might affect Eriksen, as he felt disappointed having failed to secure the victory. "As a sportsman, you are always disappointed to not cross the finish line with three points."

But as a father and husband, he might see things differently. "Life," he said, "is about doing things you love."

When you are doing things you love ‘accidents and collapses never matter’. Search for your passion if you have still not found your passion. Never settle.

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Conceived, compiled and posted by Jaganathan T (www.authorjaganathan.com) as a weekly newsletter of positive (only) information posted every monday in LinkedIn. Subscribe #MondayMusings, Read, Enjoy, Like, Practice, Share, Grow and #SpreadPositivity.